Regardless of anything else, you deserve to enjoy your life. (There’s a reason Eeyore walks under a perpetual rain cloud.) So breaking the cycle helps. And unhappiness tends to beget more unhappiness. You can’t change the weather but you can change your mood. There are two important ways in which this metaphor fails. You can think of your mood as your emotional weather, and your level of contentment/discontent as your emotional climate. It’s the result of the big decisions we make but also the cumulative behaviors that fill our days. Our level of well-being is a byproduct of how we live our lives. The point is to recognize and reduce the ways we contribute to our own unhappiness and increase the ways we boost our well-being. Nor is the point to excuse these behaviors, which can often be quite hurtful to others. The point is not to be perfect or eliminate every possible negative action from our lives. I’m guilty of many myself at one time or another. (“If only they (insert group of choice) didn’t exist, everything would be fine.) (Evidence and cause of anger/fear/resentment) Black/white thinking-us/them, winners/losers, good/evil, etc. (Cause of depression/frustration/low self-esteem/anger.) –Carrying around big bags of emotional rocks/not letting stuff go. –Little time spent in nature, too little exposure to sunlight. (Evidence of fear/depression/anxiety, cause of depression/poor health.) Hoarding, living in chaos/ mess (Evidence of anxiety, cause of shame/stress/anxiety) (Evidence of insecurity/fear/low self-esteem/loneliness, cause of resentment/fear/insecurity/low self-esteem/anger/anxiety/depression/loneliness.) –Chasing status, material goods, spending lots of time on social media. Frowning, slumping when sitting or walking (Evidence of anger/stress/sadness, cause of/amplifies depression, stress, sadness) (Evidence of anxiety/anger/depression/psychic pain, cause of shame/anger/addiction/poor health.) –Artificial mood lifters– binge eating/ sugar/ carbs/ smoking/ alcohol/ drug use/ compulsive shopping. Can also be evidence of bad upbringing that didn’t cultivate empathy.) (Can be evidence of fear/insecurity/anxiety/depression. Being inconsiderate, rude, not taking one’s turn, not taking into account needs of others. (Cause of poor health/irritability./depression.) Eating junk food/ processed food/ too much caffeine. (Evidence of fear/grief/low self-esteem, cause of fear/depression/low self-esteem.) –Ruminating on the negative, negative self-talk, being pessimistic. –Frequent impatience, frustration, feeling stressed (Evidence of anger/unhappiness from lack of control.) –Prone to aggression, domestic violence.(Evidence of anger/insecurity/low self-esteem.) (Evidence of anger/self-hatred/perhaps shame/inability to empathize, cause of anger/guilt.) –Enjoying the pain of others, inflicting pain on others, fantasizing about inflicting pain on others, cruelty to animals. Arguing a lot, angry tweets, going off in rages, horn honking, driving recklessly or with hostility. –Spending hours each day watching or reading news (Evidence of anxiety, cause of anxiety/anger/frustration/hopelessness.) (Evidence of anxiety/fear/despair, can reinforce all three.) –Stewing in existential angst, including climate change angst. –Watching a lot of TV/ commercials (Cause of poor health/insecurity/frustration/ passivity, sometimes evidence of anxiety, grief, depression.) (Cause of stress, depression, anger, anxiety, poor health.) –Being sedentary, long commutes, driving in traffic. (Evidence of insecurity/fear/shame/anxiety.) –Insulting/ bullying/mocking/ demeaning others others. Blaming others, denying responsibility, complaining, being helpless or passive, always framing oneself as a victim (Evidence of fear/anxiety/insecurity/shame/guilt.) (Evidence of anger and also fans its flames.) Name dropping, bragging, exaggerating your achievements and talents (Evidence of insecurity.) Whether these habits contribute to your unhappiness is entirely for you to decide. To be sure, these behaviors don’t affect everyone in identical fashion. (Click on the links below if you’re interested.) What follows is a partial list of the habits of unhappy people and what instigates them. There’s lots of research on what makes people happy and unhappy. Indeed, we are all likely in denial of at least a few habits that actively increase our unhappiness. A country full of miserable, angry people who spend their time blotting out their pain or lashing out at others can cope with almost nothing.īecause unhappiness is stigmatized, it’s very possible for someone to be in denial of their unhappiness even when evidence abounds. A healthy society strives to nurture the well-being of its members, because secure, stable people who find satisfaction in life can work together, innovate, adapt to change, and problem-solve effectively.
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